Attacked for Motives We Never Employed.

Someone accuses you of lying.  You didn't.  You are accused of stealing.  But you didn't.  A friend accuses you of gossip or betraying a confidence.  You wouldn't.

More insidious are the times where there is no accusation.  But the unspoken assumption.  Impossible to confront and refute.  It so frustrating.  We are judged by standards that simply don't apply.  Misunderstood based on a reality that is not ours.  Attacked for motives we never employed.  A truism I have understood for a long time but is difficult to explain for some reason.  I suspect because people don't want to see this tendency in themselves and maybe also because they honestly don't see the aberration in the assumptions.

People impart to your motives the very same standards that they set for themselves.  If you have a friend who is prone to lying; they will assume you lie.  If you interact with someone who gossips and seems unaware of the ugliness of it, they will take it for granted that you do too.  Whatever standard they have set for themselves as normal, they believe is normality.  A family that presumes that anger is the typical reaction to perceived injustice will impart that  to your motives by default.

They expect you to behave, feel and respond in the way that they believe is normal.  Even if it is not.

As part of my New Years resolutions this year I decided to work on thickening my skin without becoming calloused.  Because of this particular tendency in some people I find it important to find ways to deal with the increasing assumptions and accusations that I have to manage.   This one is a tough one to deal with.  The Bible says that as far as it is up to us we should live at peace with everyone. (Rom 12:18)

I think that the only solution is to learn how to not allow those types of assumptions and accusations *in*.  Not allow them into our hearts to hurt us which is easier said than done.  Sometimes understanding the complexity of why people believe what they do about you helps to shake it off though.

And maybe one day you can help them understand the mistake.