Monday, June 18, 2018

An Honest-to-Goodness, Shur-Nuff, No-Question-About-It, Miracle Story.

June 11, 2018. One week ago today. At 8 am I was getting ready for work when Pete said from bed that he wasn't feeling well. I walked over and put my hand on his forehead and my very experienced mom-hand said a fever of 102. The thermometer said 101.8. I think my hand was correct.

I sent a group text to my kids and asked if anyone was free to take him to the doctor that day, and after a couple of minutes, felt strongly that it couldn't wait and he needed to go to the emergency room, not just call the doctor.

2 months prior he had had a total hip replacement on his right hip, and 3 weeks earlier had had his left hip replaced, and 1 week after that tried unsuccessfully to pass an 8 mm kidney stone in his only functioning kidney. He had emergency kidney surgery that day to try to get the stone out and the doctor was only able to get half of it without further damage to his ureter and kidney. So he placed a stent next to the remaining half in hopes of helping dilate the ureter and allow it all to heal to remove it two weeks later.

The Friday before he had said he felt cold all the time, and complained of being cold every day, then on Saturday said food tasted funny and he had no appetite, Sunday I thought he had a little fever but gave him Tylenol and it went away and didn't come back. Monday was a different story.

I got him dressed and we went to the ER where they started taking blood for labs and setting up IVs and quickly discovered he had a severe infection and was septic. 30 minutes after we go there he crashed. His BP dropped to less than 70/50, he was grey, sweaty, heart rate in the 140s. The labs showed significantly elevated troponin levels 2.6 which is a heart enzyme that shows heart muscle damage (essentially a heart attack from lack of enough blood pressure to perfuse the heart), liver panels off, and he was in full renal failure (zero urine output verified by ultrasound). He was in septic shock which has a mortality rate of between 53%-63%. 

He was sent quickly to St Mark's hospital ICU in critical condition on massive antibiotics, meds to increase his blood pressure, and heart paddles next to his bed at all times.

We began to pray..hard. We asked everyone to pray. I fully expected him to die that day.

God had another plan.

A few hours later, he began to stabilize. He was holding his blood pressure at a more normal, 90/60 levels on his own. Then, they did another ultrasound and slowly he began to produce urine, his heart rate normalized, and they began to try to find the source of the infection.

At first they were certain it was his kidney. They did a CT scan from his chest to mid-thigh and found 2 abscesses in his hip and his kidney full of stones and severely enlarged, indicating infection. One by one they began to treat these things and one by one, all the things they were sure were the source, just simply weren't there anymore. Every doctor caring for him, 6 or 7 of them, kept expressing confusion, and trying to comfort me telling me that they would find out what happened and why. They kept trying. They did test after test after test, and everything kept coming back normal. 100% kidney function. Normal BP. Normal liver panels. Normal normal normal....except that they knew something very serious had happened to him and he had been very sick. But now...just not. Except for weakness and still lots of pain from the catheter they made him have to keep a close eye on his kidney output. He also had pain from his hip surgery and the stent and stone from before.

He got hungry. They got him out of ICU and into a regular room. He got to eat. They did a needle aspiration of the abscess to be sure and there was no infection in it now.

They did an EKG. Lots of signs of heart damage. :( So the cardiologist ordered a heart catheterization to check for blockages. Pete at one point weighed nearly 400 pounds. His dad had his first heart attack at age 38. I was expecting stents at a minimum and the doc had prepared me for the likelihood of bypass surgery. I got really nervous when the heart cath only took 20 minutes. I assumed it meant bypass either that day or the next.

Nope. It took 20 minutes because his coronary vessels are 100% perfect. Like ...um...100%. Once those plaques are formed in your arteries, they don't go away on their own and the odds of Pete having none, are virtually zero. The doctor was shocked. #ButGod

The next day he went in to have the stent and remaining stone removed, and I spoke to that doctor about what we need to do to protect his remaining kidney since it was full of stones. The doctor pulled up the current images, and POOF! Even though the radiologist report SAID there were multiple stones, the doctor couldn't find even one. Not even one. He removed the stent and remaining piece from before, and now Pete's kidney is completely clear, and healthy.

They finally sent him home. I assured them that it was okay that there was a mystery. Not one of his doctors can explain what happened.

Pete is weak. He is very tired. He has lost a lot of weight. But there is no way to deny that we have seen a documented miracle healing here. We have all the test results from beginning to end.

God healed him from death to life.

We are left trying to understand some things. Today is the 10th anniversary of Rachael's accident. Why did God choose to heal Pete but not Rachael? Why did God heal *most* of Pete but leave him with only one working kidney and some heart damage left over? Why heal him this time but not last time? I think some questions will not be answered until we meet Him face to face, and I am okay with that. I do know that we have seen a miracle, and I am grateful to still have my sweetheart here with us.

I also know that God has a plan for this story. I don't have to know what that plan is. He does, and that is enough.

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Saturday, March 11, 2017

Ketogenic Diet In Real Life and Simplified

I didn't say much about it. I just did it. In fact when I started I almost hid it from everyone except for my kids and husband.

But then people started to notice. And then people started to ask me about it. And then I started to be so excited by my research that it was hard to keep quiet about it.

In January, when everyone on the planet, and all the ads everywhere are about going on a diet, I felt so hopeless. I was heavier than I had ever been, by 4 pounds, but it was worse than it had ever been. I was sick all the time. I was having headaches, and catching every possible bug going around. My knees hurt so much I literally could barely walk. I was out of breath doing the most simple things. I was even having a hard time showering because lifting my legs with my knees was so painful. I had a very painful shoulder, and my hands were swollen and fingers so stiff it was hard to work and type. I had to have my children help me with things like get anything from the bottom shelf of the fridge, to even taking off my coat because my shoulder was so bad. I had tried every diet. Every diet. Every. Single. Diet. I knew of. I knew that it was physically impossible for me to exercise, even going to church was leaving my knees in pain for days afterward. Every diet I would lose a few pounds, up to 7-10, and then..nothing...weeks and weeks would go by and not a pound lost. Even lapband surgery only worked a little bit for me and for a very short time.

I had heard it all and I knew all the odds were against me. I am a mother of 12, post-menopausal woman. I work at a desk, I had, and still have to some extent 8 weeks later, some pretty severe physical limitations which precluded exercise, My mind was not working right, and I was forgetting more and more as well as just not being able to think right anymore. I was depressed and I was getting sick. I knew it, and I was getting very afraid I was actually going to die.

To say I was hopeless and desperate is an understatement. I am a strong Christian, and I finally began to pray for help and an answer. Why I didn't before is beyond me. I guess I thought that it was a matter of willpower and clearly I was just a sinful, lazy, glutton. But I knew deep down that didn't fit with the rest of my life and personality. I really do have a lot of self control. I own a business, and not one person ever tells me to work. I just do it, and I manage a lot of other things in my life with a lot of self discipline as well. But this weight thing was defeating me

 I like food, (who doesn't??) and I had given up even trying to eat healthy to be bluntly honest. One day, I was talking to a friend, and...it just literally came to me what I needed to do. In the space of about 30 minutes we decided to do it together and support each other. Initially I planned and my goal was to really try hard and lose 10 pounds every 3 months. I didn't even know what it was called or that there was so much research on it!

I had been successful many years ago on Atkins. I loved how I felt and that the pounds just melted away. But then I got pregnant, and had no idea how to manage both, so I gained it all back, and when I went back to it, I just couldn't lose again. I tried numerous times with just no success. I read that for some reason it seems to be a one shot deal and if you go off it is very hard to lose again. So...no dice there for me. I was severely disappointed, but over the years I have gone on and off a low carb diet just because I feel better; my joints hurt less, and I don't feel so sluggish. No weight loss though other than a few pounds, and not actually gaining.

This time I began my brand new plan on January 18th and in 7.5 weeks I have lost 23 pounds, and 3 inches off my waist. My hands don't hurt at all, and my knees are about 1/3 as painful as they were. I can THINK! My thinking is not only not aging like I thought it was, but it is clear and sharp again like when I was younger. My skin is clearer, my eyes look brighter, I have lost the swelling in my hands and feet, and I am sleeping better. I feel better than I have for years!

So...what is different this time? What is it I am so enthusiastic about?

A Ketogenic Diet!

A lot of people think that a Ketogenic diet is the same as low carb/ high protein. While it has some similarities to a low carb diet, it is not *high* protein, but it is high fat and that is an incredible thing! Let me go back though and explain some physiology.

Everyone knows that high blood sugar is bad for you. When you eat any carbohydrate whether it is sugar, honey, Fruit Loops, carrots, french fries, ripe tomato, or a slice of fresh baked whole wheat bread with homemade strawberry jam, your body takes that carbohydrate and breaks it apart into it's components and they enter your bloodstream as glucose. It is true that some carbs have other nutrients along with the glucose, but they all have glucose and it needs to be managed by your body in your bloodstream. Glucose left in your blood will damage your organs as well as your vascular system, nervous system, and eyes. Everyone understands that about diabetes, which is by definition, high blood sugar. So your body deals with it by producing insulin. Insulin's main job is to push glucose out of your blood stream and make certain that it it used for fuel. Whatever glucose is not accepted by the cells for fuel, insulin pushes out of the blood to be turned into fat by the liver. Incidentally, fructose is processed by the liver, and a percentage of it is *always* turned to fat, which is why high fructose corn syrup is worse for us than ordinary table type of sugar which is one molecule of glucose and one of fructose. All carbohydrates are treated as glucose by your body and all carbohydrates must be managed by insulin and all extra carbohydrates not used for energy are turned to fat to be stored for later.

Our bodies have the ability to use two, and only two types of fuel, and only one at at time. It is like a hybrid car. It can't use electricity and gasoline at the same time, but has the ability to switch back and forth between them.

Now this part is very very important, so understand carefully. Because sugar is bad for us in the blood stream, our bodies are designed so that if glucose is present, it is always used first. This is critical to understand. Glucose is a fuel, but if it is present in our bloodstream, it must be used first so it does not do damage. Insulin has a double job. When glucose is present, it is so important for us to burn it first, that insulin has a secondary job of preventing us from using fat for fuel until all the glucose is gone.

Until pretty recently in human history, there just was not any problem with this system. We had so little sugar in our diet; fruit was seasonal and interestingly at the same time of year that we were most active and then it was gone again, and sugars like honey were just hard to get and not plentiful and so forth. Other carbs were things like whole grain breads and vegetables, so our bodies used them as they were eaten and it stayed in balance. And, in between carbohydrates, our bodies used fat for fuel.

In order for us to use fat for fuel two things have to be in place. First of all the glucose must be used up. Our cells produce a small store of glucose in the form of glycogen, and our liver makes a small amount of glycogen as well, and in general it is about enough to carry us for roughly a day without any additional glucose consumed, before we will turn exclusively to fat for fuel. Every time we go without eating carbohydrates for enough time, our body turns to fat for fuel. This is another important point. We cannot use fat as a fuel unless and until the glucose has been used up first. Insulin has a secondary job of making sure that we cannot use the fat until that happens, and actually blocks the fat cells from releasing their energy.

Let's talk about insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome. I am a near perfect example of metabolic syndrome which is a secondary condition of insulin resistance and nearly all the way to type two diabetes. What it means is that the same cells that need to collect the glucose in the bloodstream are refusing it. The insulin is trying to push the glucose into the cell, but the cell is not responding to the insulin. So, the body responds by producing more insulin. It has to. There is too much glucose and it simply can't stay in the blood or it will do damage. So the glucose is pushed into the cells, or made into fat, and then there is extra insulin and the blood sugar drops too low, and the body craves more glucose to balance out the blood sugars again. This happening a few times is not a huge problem, but over and over and over and over again...pretty soon your pancreas gives out, won't produce enough insulin, and voila! Type 2 Diabetes. In between the normal state and full blown diabetes is metabolic syndrome which is characterized by, fat deposited in the belly because of the urgency due to high blood sugar and subsequent insulin and the way the liver produces the fat cells, widespread inflammation, often symptoms of hypoglycemia, a resistance to weight loss and other symptoms that are currently being studied that may or may not be related to blood sugar such as fibromyalgia, sleep disorders and so forth.

We eat so much sugar and other carbohydrates in our diets that our pancreas is in a constant state of production and we are seeing an epidemic of younger and younger type 2 diabetics in our country.

There are two other hormones besides insulin that are important to understand here: Ghrelin and Leptin. Leptin is produced by our cells to tell us that we are full and to stop eating, and Ghrelin is produced to tell us we are hungry. Many of us have gone years and years without feeling either of those sensations! Real hunger and a real desire to stop eating. It is all a part of insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome that our cells are not producing the hormones that create this normal and healthy sensation in our bodies.

We have all grown up with some incorrect thinking. Some fallacies that need to be corrected to understand what needs to happen in our bodies for them to work properly.

Myths:

1. We must have carbohydrates/glucose to have energy to work and play etc.
2. We must have carbohydrates/glucose for our brains to work at all.
3. Glucose is the only real fuel for our bodies and without it we quickly weaken.
4. Fat causes heart disease.
5. Fat makes us fat because it is high calorie.
6. Complex carbohydrates don't become glucose and don't affect our blood sugar.
6. Carbohydrates should be the majority of our caloric intake because the FDA put it at the base of the food pyramid.

All of those are false statements. Every one of them.

Fat is just a fuel for our bodies, and I can prove it very simply. When we don't have food to eat our body turns to our own fat for fuel. Our own body fat is saturated fat, doesn't make us more fat, doesn't cause heart disease, and our brains work fine on it otherwise we would die every time we go a day without eating. It is true that two things happen before we become fully fat burning or ketogenic instead of glycogenic, which is the glucose burning state. The first thing is that our body craves what it is used to: carbs. If they don't show up, it quite happily turns to using fats instead. The second is that while we are adjusting to burning fats, we feel off, and not great for a short period of time. This is the transition and only lasts a day or two (some people a little longer if they have never done it before) while your body switches over.

We have talked about what happens in our bodies with a glycogenic or glucogenic (remember glycogen is what your cells and liver produce to store small amounts of glucose)  diet. Let's talk about what happens in a ketogenic diet.

The word Ketogenic comes from the word ketone, which is the leftover couple of molecules left over when a long chain of fatty acids is broken apart to use for fuel. Ketones are the by product of fat utilization and can be and are used by the brain as a powerful fuel. They can be detected in your blood or urine and it must be noted here that nutritional ketosis is a very different thing from diabetic- ketoacidosis which is a very dangerous and potentially life threatening condition of diabetics. A state of ketosis simply means that you are utilizing fat for your primary fuel and the ketones are being produced when the fat breaks into smaller chains.

There are tremendous benefits to being in a ketotic state, not the least of which is that your brain can and does use the ketones much more efficiently than glucose for fuel. In fact it has been proven that ketones can actually help heal a damaged brain along with fish oils and extra oxygen. People who eat a ketogenic diet universally report thinking more clearly and better by far. They also universally report more overall energy and feeling more vital and less depressed. For someone with metabolic syndrome or maybe just simply overweight, another benefit is that there is little to no insulin being produced to get in the way of fat utilization. Whenever little moments or big chunks of time happen where there is not enough fuel being consumed, your body turns instantly and very efficiently to stored body fat to make up the difference with no insulin to block that from happening. This begins the process of healing the resistance to insulin and also begins, sometimes for the first time in years, to allow the production and reception of ghrelin and leptin to regulate hunger and satiety.

In broad terms a Ketogenic diet divides the daily calories into three parts: Fat, Protein and Carbs. It is roughly 65-70% fat, 20-25% protein and the rest carbs, depending on your personal physical needs. For me, with a very slow metabolism, post-menopausal woman, mine is less than 5% carbs, and about 70% fat with 25% protein. This translates to a total of less than 15 g per day of carbs for me. My body cannot process more carbohydrate than that and stay in ketosis, and a full fat burning state with weight loss. I am very careful about which carbs I eat as well. I want to make sure that I am eating a very nutritious diet, and eat the vast majority of my carbs in the form of dark leafy greens, and other veggies such as asparagus, cucumber, celery, broccoli and such. I also eat small amounts of tomatoes, peppers, onion, artichokes etc. I eat as highly colored of these veggies as possible. I eat all types of meats, pork, chicken, seafood, fish, and healthy fats, and I always try to choose fatty cuts of meat when possible, and when not possible or practical, I add healthy fats to the dishes. I eat full fat dairy sour cream, heavy cream, hard cheeses etc, that have very little lactose in them. I eat lots of eggs, butter, nuts, seeds, coconut oil, and olive oil.  I do not eat starchy vegetables such as potatoes, corn, beans, beets, and carrots. No grains, no rice or cereals, no breads and absolutely no sugars in any forms including lactose found in milk, yogurt, half and half, most cottage cheese, and other similar dairy items. All of those things I do not eat are foods that will cause a rise in blood sugar and subsequent insulin reaction.

People get scared of the transition. They are afraid of giving up their favorite carbs. I admit...there are moments for sure!  But guess what? As a former full-fledged-card-carrying-sugar-and-carb-addict, I can tell you that I almost never miss it at all. My body is now craving fats, not glucose. I had a birthday last week, and had decided ahead of time that I was allowed a cheat day that day, but when it came, I didn't' even want it. I was sure I would be dying for a plate of clam linguine and crusty bread followed by a yummy chocolate dessert of some sort. I didn't want it! For meals I had bacon, eggs, sausages, mussels, clams, shrimp, and roasted meats with mushrooms, salads, and full fat dressings. My son made me a chocolate cake with eggs, almond flour, some nutritional sweetener, and topped it with sugar free caramel sauce mixed with chopped toasted pecans and no sugar added coconut. YUM.

I track everything that goes in my mouth and have an app that counts out the carbs, calories, fat, and protein for me. I have discovered that I am eating far less than I was before in terms of daily calories. This last week I averaged less than 1200 per day. On two different days I ate less than 1000. What is interesting to me is that I am literally eating all I want in terms of quantity, but my body is finally able to tell me when to quit, because it is in fat burning mode and has plenty of fuel available to it in the form of all the fat I stored eating glucose. It is able to produce the hormones that help regulate all that. When I do want to eat more, I just do...but if I am starting to desire more carbs, instead I add more fats, and that craving just goes right away.

I personally started and do recommend because it helped so much, with a 36 hour fast form everything except non caloric clear liquids. It helps to remove the glycogen out faster, and clear up some of the nasty glucose cravings faster. On a daily basis, I don't normally eat anything until noon or so each day and instead of feeling vaguely guilty about that as I used to, I recognize that because I am burning my own fat, my body isn't shutting down and conserving, it is just using up the fuels available to it. One day when I am not fat anymore, I may start to eat breakfast again, because I suspect my body will request it due to lack of fuel.

I also take several supplements. I think it is hard for us to get all the nutrients we need from our foods the way they are produced. I take a good B complex to help support my liver metabolism, a good multi vitamin for insurance, electrolytes, and some other vitamins, probiotics, and herbs for supporting my body where it is now and to help my immune system and gut health. I have no fear of becoming diabetic, and after a lot of research no fear of heart disease either, and in fact I know my numbers will improve, not the other way around.

And that is basically it. I have found great recipes and tons of great information out there. The science is there, and of course being married to an actual rocket scientist I have to have good sources for him to accept it! I strongly recommend the book Grain Brain, by Dr David Perlmutter, MD, and anything by Dr Eric Westman or Dr Jeff Volek. They have videos on YouTube, and books out to help you find the studies and science I did.

I am convinced that our bodies were designed to work better this way with carbs and sugars as a seasonal fuel, and fat as a primary fuel. My body is broken and cannot tolerate many carbs, but yours might not be yet! It is not too late for many of you, but the best news of all is it is even not too late for me either!

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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

What Does it Mean to Trust God?

I wish I had a nickel for every sermon I have heard preached about trusting God. The theme is always the same: Trust God. Seems so simple doesn't it? Seems so obvious, and uncomplicated, and straight-forward.  
                                       

But what exactly does this verse mean?

                                   

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

And that is just one of literally hundreds of verses in the Bible that talk about trusting God.

I think it means to trust God and not our own understanding. BUT HOW? How do we do that? In a very practical sense, I can trust God, but when it comes time for dinner, I still have to cook it. I still have to walk out to the car to drive to church. I still have to make my bed if I want a made bed. I can trust God all day long, but at some point we have to do the stuff, not just pray about the stuff right? So what does it mean to trust God? How does He speak to us and how do we know when He is speaking to us?


I was talking to my daughter a few days ago, and we were talking about being married. What if you pray about something and ask for God's wisdom and sincerely want to know, but you *hear* different things? 
It is a real issue. A real thing that does happen.

In most cases you can go to the Bible and see what God already said about it. For example it is clear that God says we should not lie, so if your answer would involve deception...then God didn't say it. The Bible teaches us to be generous so if the answer would be to be selfish, then God didn't say it. The Bible teaches us that no one will know the day of Jesus' second coming, so when someone says they know the date, it is easy to dismiss. God didn't say that.

Go to the Bible and see what God already said on the subject and see if what you are *hearing* is lining up with The Word. Then...when you know what He said, TRUST IT!  He cannot lie. If what God is telling you to do is consistent with what the Bible teaches, then you cannot make a mistake by trusting that as truth.

Is God telling you to go somewhere to preach the Gospel?  

Matt 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Is God telling you to give above what you think your ability to give is?
Luke 6:
38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Is God telling you to step out of the boat and do something that makes no sense at all? 

Matthew1 4: 9  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 
Yep, God does that too. 

Is God asking you to do something uncomfortable and something that goes against what you have always thought?  See above! Peter actually asked Jesus to ask him out of the boat. Maybe your prayers of wanting to change the world, or your corner of it involve trusting God to that degree even when it does not make sense superficially. 

Ask trusted advisors, of course making sure they know the Bible themselves, but first things first, go to the Bible, see what God says, and then trust His Word. We need to care less about what people think about our *crazy ideas*, and more about what God already said.
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Thursday, May 19, 2016

Do You Know What You Know?

I vividly remember being about 14 and thinking I was ready.  Yup. I had acquired the knowledge necessary to be an adult. Yeah, well maybe I hadn't driven a car yet, but how hard could it be? I knew the way to the store, and was a fount of information on interpersonal relationships, and what made up a good parent, or rather what not to do for sure! That was enough for me.

Yeah, I knew it all. I had been taught all the rules for living. And I had learned what worked and didn't. I knew how all families worked because I had been part of one.  I knew what moms did because I had one. I knew what Dads did too! I understood all of society in fact!

I know.  We all go through it. Sometimes people grow out of it and sometimes they don't completely ever grow out of it. But I think most people carry a bit of it with us for most of our lives. It shows up in insidious places and ideas. We learn early some rules for living and cement them firmly into our brains as if ideas and thinking is static and must be captured like a photograph, not flow like a river.

But when do we start to really question what we think we already know? When do we take the information and really examine it and find out what is absolute fact, what is opinion, what is a style or preference, and what is just wrong?

I read a story about a woman who was cooking a pot roast and before she put it in the pan she cut the end off of it. Her daughter who was watching to learn asked why she did that, and her answer was "Well my mom always did" and it got her thinking about why, so she called her mom, who said "well I don't know, MY mom always did" so they got Grandma on the phone and asked the question of why she cut the end off the pot roast.  Grandma's reply was "Well, my pan was too short, so I cut the end off of it." 

So very many things in our lives are like that. We are creatures of habit, and we don't much like change, so rather than change, we continue to do the things the way they have always been done, never questioning why or whether they should be done that way. It is *safer* to not question things. You know the old adage, if it isn't broken, don't fix it. We are conditioned to not look too very closely at what we know, but to follow the rules as they are laid out for us. After all they work, and who wants to take a risk after all. But, what if?

What if what we are so sure we know, like the pot roast just doesn't make sense? It was a good plan for Grandma to cut the end of the roast but it just didn't apply to everyone. What if there are many good ways to do things and come up with different but good results?

Every day we are bombarded with advertisement disguised as news stories, or articles we read that teach us what truth is. We are constantly informed about how we should live, eat, what to wear, how to think, spend our money, time, resources, how to parent, believe, drive, what to watch, how to smell, you know...the CORRECT way to live our lives. I know people who can't fathom never shopping at the mall, or adhering to the most recent trends in child rearing or who feel left out if they have a 3 year old car or not the latest iPhone. This goes deeper than consumerism. This is about never questioning what is right, and what we absolutely know to be true.

In the old Testament there is frequent mention of tearing down the high places. Sure it was a literal thing but there is a figurative meaning here too. Tearing down high places in our lives and thoughts, and allowing ourselves to examine what we think and believe is so important. The civil rights movement and women's movement are such good examples of this. People just knew that this is how things should be, and never questioned it and when someone came along who did, and then several someone's it was met with an outcry of rage. NO! THIS is how things are SUPPOSED to be!


Some even claimed that the Bible taught-even mandated- the discrimination. It was an attitudinal barrier to change and I think we have our minds riddled with them.

Do we allow ourselves to question the high places?  Or do we just get defensive when someone suggests something that causes us to re examine what we believe? Maybe we examine it and find out we were holding an incorrect belief, and maybe, just maybe we were wrong. A lifetime of wrong, pride, even embarrassment, shouldn't cause us to be unwilling to change. Maybe we were right, but how can you ever be sure unless you check?

I find them in myself all the time. I find myself thinking certain ways, and when I question them, sometimes I find that it was me just cutting the end off of a roast.


Sunday, February 21, 2016

10 Tips for How to Help a Grieving Friend 101



My dear friend and pastor died very suddenly this week, and my heart feels torn into bits.  We belong to a moderately sized church but his influence and reach was very broad, and among our circle of friends we try to help when there is death and grief.  So many people have asked me this week what to do and I try to help.  Earlier I found a little short list of things, but it just seemed inadequate to me.

So...here is my list.  I hope it helps.

1. Give them space, but not too much. Let them direct it and just be available. Unless you are a very close friend don't expect much contact for a while. I describe it like being naked. In deep grief it is much like being naked and you just don't do that in front of just anyone.

2. Help with the mundane of life. It is hard to think at first and simple things get missed very easily. Water the plants. Take the dog for grooming. Shovel snow. Buy groceries. But please remember that this is not a time for socializing. The greatest gift is to serve without them even knowing you did it if possible.

3. Words are so hard. Please don't say you know how they feel unless you do. But even then everyone has a different experience. Say things like: I am sorry. I am praying for you. I love you. It will get easier in time. Or even just say, I don't know what to say but I am here for you and praying for you.

4. Time. It takes a long long long time. The world has tipped over and is seen in shades of grey. It requires a lot of time to find out how to walk in it again and how to see color again. Don't expect things to be back to normal soon, and normal will never be what it was before.

5. It is like ocean waves. They come and knock the feet out from under you, and then recede, and at first they come so quickly and so powerfully. In between they can feel a bit of relief, and may want to laugh a bit or feel normal for a moment, but then it comes back. Be very aware of the shifts and allow for them, take your cue from them, and follow their lead.

6. Everyone is different.  Some people like to talk. Some like to hug. Some cry easily and some are embarrassed by crying. Some eat and some lose their appetite completely. Watch and be sensitive. Don't hug someone who doesn't want to and sit quietly with someone who is not a talker.

7. Grief is some of the hardest work there is. Your friend is exhausted all the time. Nothing sounds fun because there is no left over energy. Keep asking anyway, but with no pressure.

8. There are things to never say: It is for the best. I know how you feel. (unless you really do) You need to get over it, and move on. 


9. Remember that there are concentric circles of grieving, starting with those closest and moving outward and if you are close enough to want to help you are probably grieving at some level too.  Take care of yourself also.

10. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who died, but allow your friend to have times where they talk about other things too.

There.  A short list of what I hope will help a bit.


Thursday, January 28, 2016

Guilt, Condemnation and Godly Sorrow. Which is Which?




It is something we just don't talk about in polite company.  Something to hide and put deep in the back of the closet.  We certainly don't preach about it from the pulpits or teach our kids about, because, well...it just doesn't happen!  

                                

I am not talking about the taboo, tabloid, and titillating stuff here.  I am talking about a solid, honest to goodness, Bible believing Christian who finds themselves in the middle of a serious sin.  Maybe it is ongoing, and maybe it is a one time thing, or maybe it was a slow creep of incremental events.

Maybe you had an affair.  Maybe you had a secret craving for the bottle that became alcoholism. Maybe you stole some money. Maybe you betrayed a friend. Maybe worse. Maybe much worse.  Maybe you just lied and then chose to sweep it away to the recesses of your mind. What if all it is is a tendency to gossip or using foul language?

Then there is that day.  That horrible moment when God shows you the reality of what you have done.  You are standing in line, or wake up from a dream. Maybe you are at work or at church and all of a sudden it hits you, as if you had no idea it was even going on, and as a brand new revelation, how utterly sinful this is and how utterly you have failed. E
ither way, one day you wake up and realize, you have become *that* person. That person you hated, judged so harshly, and were so certain you would never be.  That person.

What now? Oh dear Lord God Almighty, what now? Oh the pain of that failure!
                            


There are two kinds of pain from sin. The first one is pain that leads to repentance. 

2 Cor 7:9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. 
What happens then? What happens after we repent and turn away from the sin? God says that He remembers our sin no more. It is completely wiped clean as if it never happened. But that does not remove the consequences of our actions here on earth. You can't undo an affair, or take back the betrayal, or unsteal the money.  Restitution is an important part of repentance but will never take the place of the forgiveness and free gift of grace Jesus.


The second kind of pain is the pain we inflict on ourselves. The need to punish ourselves. Guilt carried as a flag of sorrow and self recrimination. Satan loves nothing more than to convince you that you are not worthy now of the love of God, and never were.

John 8:44 
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
He is more than happy to use the truth to lie to you even! 
We sometimes feel like the crime is so great and the pain we have caused so enormous that we must be punished, and nothing less than that will do.  

2 Cor 7:10
 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 
This self sabotaging behavior is that death. 
We search out opportunities to inflict pain on ourselves. Some consequences are a result of the sin itself. An affair carries with it the possible loss of the marriage or relationship. It might carry the possibility of an STD or unintended pregnancy. Those consequences are different than those we inflict on ourselves by having such a guilty conscience that we pick a fight with our spouse in order to assuage the guilt for example, or other types of self sabotaging behavior. We sabotage relationships, or jobs. We create situations to cause sickness or become anti social and etc. All of the feelings of deep remorse can set us up for consequences that would not have happened without our unwitting help. 
How do you know the difference?

A Godly sorrow leads to repentance. It does not remove consequences, but it does lead you to your knees and to the cross. It leads to making it right the best you can, and then accepting forgiveness from God.   


1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am the one who blots out your transgression for my own sake, and I‘ll remember your sins no more.

Hebrews 8:12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

A Godly sorrow always leads to healing, hope and a new beginning. If you are carrying guilt and shame for a sin you have been forgiven for, it is time to let it go. You have freedom and the grace of Jesus Christ.  It leads to the joy of knowing that you are forgiven and clean.

Hebrews 10: 19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 
Be free of the sin that bound you! Let it go! Allow the cleansing of the Lord to give you peace and the joy that comes from the sure knowledge that you are fully forgiven.  There is no greater joy than that.

                  











Thursday, December 17, 2015

Parenting Through the Tragedies in the World

I was recently asked a question about how to talk to your kids about all of the shootings, and how to protect them from some of the horrible things in the world.
Some of you know that our 6th of 12 children, Rachael, died after being hit by a car. When she died, we had 8 other kids still at home with the youngest being just 3 years old. We had to sit them down and deliver the worst possible news to them. I fought with all that was in me to want to protect them from this horrible reality. I didn't want to tell them, but it had to be done. I couldn't protect them from it.
Today I see the fruit of our decisions that day. We were honest with them and told them the truth in love. We then spent every day since showing them that not only can you survive tragedy, but you can come out on the other side stronger, closer to the Lord, and even more trusting. Another thing that children learn is that they can trust *you* to stand by them and help them through even the hardest days.
Always tell your kids the truth and don't try to hide the realities from them. They will learn to trust you even more, and not be more afraid, but less.
We truly can trust the Lord with our kids. We can trust Him with their hearts and their futures. We can even trust Him to take them home if that is what He chooses. We can also trust that God will carry your kids in dealing with the unthinkable tragedies in life, just as He will carry you."