What a Journey.

Psalm 121:1-I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 2   My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

I have been thinking about this verse all week long.  You know how when your mind is headed down a path for a while and then several things seem to come together in a new way to take you to a new thought?  That happened to me this week.  Stuff I read, songs, comments from people, etc all came together for me in a new way.

I never saw this verse the way it was written.  The Psalmist was starting a long journey and looking at all the mountains he would have to cross to get to the other side and completely overwhelmed at how far he would have to travel and how hard the journey would be.  A feeling I completely understand.

I picture, on the day we are born, that God sets us down at the beginning of the path and points to show us which direction to go home.  He doesn't say how long the journey will be or how many mountains we will have to cross.  He doesn't say how long we will be able to rest in the green valleys, or whether there will be bears.  He only tells us that He will be our help and to keep going the direction He gives us each day.

There are people that have finished their journey ahead of me, and I look to them for hope and encouragement that I can finish mine and that one day when I get there, they will have a warm fire and a soft bed waiting for me.  My feet are tired and I get weary.

It is such a long way home.

"Is it okay to vote for a Mormon?" "I dunno, what size are his feet?"

Mitt Romney is a Mormon.  So what?

I am not Mormon.  I was raised in a Mormon family however, and live in Salt Lake City, Utah, and know a lot about  the church.

I see a lot of confusion among people who are not Mormon, but have strong beliefs in other Christian denominations, about whether it is *okay* to vote for a Mormon.  It is as if voting for Mitt Romney would be the same thing as converting to  Mormonism.  Trust me; it isn't the same thing.  I have never heard anyone prior to this election discuss whether it was okay to vote for a candidate based on religion.  We can have a Mormon president without all of us converting to Mormonism.  Honest.

I may not be Mormon, and even disagree to the point of leaving the Mormon church.  I may not raise my family as Mormon, but I would have absolutely no problem with having a Mormon president.  It is not a valid criteria to disqualify someone for the job any more than foot size is.

Because he is so outspokenly Mormon, I believe he would represent a Christian worldview and moral standard that he will be held accountable for by the authorities of his religion.  There is a hierarchy in the Mormon church that is very uncommon outside of the LDS people and the Catholics.  Mitt Romney has stood up and claimed a moral compass that requires honesty and integrity.  I personally
 want a president with a solid moral compass that I can count on.

I am not Mormon and will never be Mormon.  But to suggest that someone can't be president simply based on that religion is downright silly and I am standing up as a non-Mormon and telling you that it needs to be removed from his list of either qualifications or disqualifications.

I like Mitt Romney and I plan to vote for him based on his economic platform, his job growth platform, and his foreign policies.  I don't think he is a perfect candidate, but I don't think we have had one of those for a long time.  I am not voting for him because he is Mormon, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or atheist.  It just is not on my list of criteria for this election.

My List of BEST Inventions Ever!

After watching a show on the History channel about the best inventions ever I decided that they really don't know what the REAL best inventions are!  Of course everyone knows about the Wheel, Duct Tape, and the Light Bulb, but c'mon, there are other inventions that changed my life and yours for the better and people rarely even mention!

Here is my list of *those* best inventions in no particular order:

1. Fix-a-Flat.  Keeping a can in my car gives me all sorts of security.  It is like performing a magic trick!
2. Foam Rubber.  Let's face it.  Most comfort comes from the stuff: pillows, mattresses, furniture, bike seats; the list is almost endless and I for one am grateful!
3. Paper plates.  I find great relief on *those* days, just knowing the little beauties are in the cupboard just waiting to serve my needs.
4. Fly swatters.  Again...must I elaborate? Not quite as fond of fly paper, but it has it's place too.
5. Sunscreen.  I have 7 redheads at my house. 
6. Dry dog food. Can you imagine what it would be like to try to keep the dog fed without the stuff?
7. Crayons. The hours of peace and quiet these have provided for mothers everywhere is mind boggling.
8. Flip Flops.  Summers without sock washing, matching, sorting...ahhhhh....
9. Anti-Perspirant /Deodorant.  The world before was...well...use your imagination.
10. Scissors.  Talk about a multi use tool; they can be used as nail clippers, food processors, to decorate, cut hair, modify clothing from winter to summer, and on and on...What would we ever do without them!?!  

So there you have it.  My list of never mentioned inventions I couldn't live without.

What You Think You Can Do and What You Really Can Do.

5 years ago one of my online friends had a still born baby.  8 months later another online friend had her 7 month old baby die very suddenly from an illness from which it appeared she was getting well.

I vividly remember thinking that the death of one of my children was the *one* thing I couldn't survive; the *one* thing that would surely break me.  4 months later  I was planning my daughter's funeral and trying to understand how to choose a headstone for a child.

The day she died I remember rubbing my lips a lot.  I could feel my lips.  I couldn't feel much else.  I remember getting into an elevator at the hospital and another woman was in there.  She asked me what was wrong.  It was the first time I said the words "My daughter just died."  

Over the next days I practiced what to say in various situations.  Grocery store with several children: "How many children do you have?"  "I have 8 still at home with me."  Much better and easier than "12, but 3 are married and one died."  I got caught when I was shopping for funeral clothes and the checker asked it the wrong way.  She asked how many daughters I had.  I burst into tears and couldn't answer at all.

There are so many things about losing Rachael that are so hard, and so painful.

But here is the thing.  It didn't destroy me.  It didn't break me, though it tried hard.  I never thought I could do it, but God held me and with His help I *did* do it.  The one thing I thought I couldn't do the *one* thing that was impossible, I had to do.

People look at us, Pete and I, and I see it in their eyes.  They don't even know what to say to us sometimes because we have lived the unthinkable and the unbearable; the one thing they think they couldn't do if it came to that.  They think we are special and have faith that they don't possess; that we turned to God in a time when they would turn away and blame God for their pain.

They look up to us for having the faith to bear this burden.  They think that we have done something that would be impossible for them to ever do. The pity us and admire us in equal measures.  I didn't do anything special.  I survived because that was what I had to do.  God put it there and there wasn't a lot of choice about whether to do it or not.  Was suicide an option?  Was choosing to let my kids live without a real mom an option?  Was turning from God an option?  Was hatred or anger at the woman who hit her an option?  Was going to bed and not getting out an option?  Yeah I suppose.  They all crossed my mind at one time or another.  But when it comes down to it, they are not real options.  

So I didn't do anything special.  I woke up every day, and did my best.  I wake up every day and do my best.  Some days it is better than others,  and I sure don't feel like being admired for waking up is appropriate.  It feels kind of weird actually.

I know how they feel though.  I felt that way too once.  

Gifts, Talents, and the Hidden Lamp

The other day I put a new bulb in my bathroom.  When the light bulb burned out we were out of new bulbs and I had to wait til the next day to get that new, oddly- bluish light.  Night time excursions required an open door, and a watchful eye, and I appreciated the light in the way you do things you normally take for granted.

It brought to mind Jesus talking about how you don't light a lamp and then hide it from view.  In those days they never took light for granted the way we do.  The idea of lighting a lamp and then wasting the light was laughable; silly; absurd.

You have also heard the parable of the talents.  The master gave the first man five bags of gold, the second man two bags, and the third man one bag.  The first two doubled the money and returned to the master twice what he had left them with.  The third man was afraid and hid the gold and returned it to the master exactly as he had left it and the master was angry about it.

Every one of us is given gifts.  God lights our lights.  It sure seems that some people are given five bags of gold to my one lonely bag!  But each of us has the gifts God gave us on the day we were born.  Some people are musicians.  They are born that way.  Some are artists, and from a young age they draw and paint on everything in sight.  Some are dancers and are graceful and fluid in their movements.  Some are born mathematicians, or naturally hospitable.  Some people have a gift of joy or can build anything.  Some have many gifts and some have only one.

Something I have noticed, especially among the women in my life in all the various places and walks of life, is a tendency to be afraid and want to hide their light under a bushel; to want to bury their gold to protect it.  This tendency is not just women of course, some men too.  But in our culture women especially feel embarrassed by their talents and gifts.  It seems that they think it is bragging and boastful to be upfront about what God has given them.  No one thinks that a woman with a beautiful singing voice is boastful if she sings for others to enjoy.  But if your gift is leading, it is somehow felt to be bragging to discuss it and openly search for opportunities to use your gifts.  Or what if you have a gifted mind?  How can you share your gift without appearing to be a braggart?

It seems that the more important the gift is to us and the more gifted we are, the more vulnerable we are in sharing the information since often there has been one or more *someones* who have made us feel embarrassed to think we could have an important gift from God.

So we hide our gift.  We tuck it into a safe place, thinking that it can't really be a gift because why would God give it to such a person?  God wants us to develop our gifts.  He wants us to use them and grow them and increase what He gave us.  He wants us to return more to Him than he gave us.

I can't draw a stick figure, and I can't sing a note.  I am not a dancer or a musician or a great writer. But God gifted each of us.  He gifted me and He gifted you.  He gave you stewardship over a precious bag of gold, or two or five, and He wants you to multiply it.  He wants you to not be embarrassed by the gifts He chose for you.  Are you able to make a beautiful garden?  I can't.  Can you carve wood into shapes that it never had knew before?  I can't. Can you sing a lullaby to your baby?  I can't.  Can you see and make sense of numbers to make them show you secrets?  I can't.

I need your gifts.  I am less whole unless you share the gifts God put inside you.  I need your beautiful gardens, and paintings.  I need your music and your bridges.  I will offer you my gifts, and share with you without shame or embarrassment.  Because I know that you need my gifts as much as I need yours.

God didn't light your lamp so that the light could be hidden.

Does Time Heal All Wounds? 4 years later...

Does time heal all wounds?

No.  It does not.  But it does do *something* that I have been trying to define.

What does time do?  Time teaches.

Grief is a giant thorn ball that is bigger than me.  It was thrust into my life by circumstances that I had no control over and no choice but to accept.  It sits, invisibly, in front of me every single day, every step I take, every thought I think, every plan I make.  It pokes with sharp spines and stinging poison.  It intrudes where it was not invited and stays long past polite behavior.  It is rude, and crude, and leaves dirty marks on the walls and floors of my heart.

Time has taught me how to step around it.  Sometimes.  Time has forged a path that can lead me around the spines and into a softer remembrance.  Sometimes.

But even Time can't soften the spines or remove the poison, and Time can't teach grief better manners.   There are events and circumstances that muddy the path that Time so painstakingly taught me, and while the mud remains, the spines poke as sharply, and the poison is as debilitating as it ever was.

In 4 days it will be the 4th anniversary of Rachael's accident.  She would have been 17 in July.  My path is pretty muddy.

"Proverbs 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path."

I think He uses Time as a tool for that.

Another Funny Fish Story

Yesterday we held a fundraiser carnival complete with facepainting, games, and cotton candy.  It was great and we raised $642!  And it brought back memories of previous parties we have had.  We used to have a massive party  every summer, and we probably ought to start them up again!  We had a costume party with all you can eat cotton candy, and snow cones, carnival games, bouncy houses, cake walks, etc.

One year we decided to do a ping pong toss to win a goldfish.  We got little glass vases and put beans in the bottom  of some and some we put goldfish in, and lined them up.  If the ping pong ball went in any vase, then you could win a gold fish.  Simple right?  Easy, fun and inexpensive since goldfish are only about 12 cents each.

We got everything ready and the night before the party went to the pet store and bought about 200 fish (the number of kids expected at the party) and put them in a five gallon bucket.  In the morning I discovered 198 dead goldfish in the bucket!  Now if you have ever had a dead fish you probably know that a burial at sea is the accepted funeral.  Shall we just say that if you have 198 dead goldfish it is a much more lengthy process?  We figured that maybe that many fish just didn't have enough oxygen in the bucket over night.

We had 200 kids invited to a party and a goldfish game all ready but no fish.  What could we do but go buy more fish?  So we did.  Another 200 fish in a freshly-scrubbed bucket on the way to the park to set up.  All was well.  Well...until.

I was pretty busy setting up, and organizing games and welcoming guests and making cotton candy and checking the prizes and it wasn't until a couple of hours into the party that I checked on the fish game.  When I went over, to my strong dismay I saw a little pile of dead fish on the grass, and then another little pile...and another.  As I walked, I saw my son who was running the game, dip out  another couple of fish and begin a new pile.  I looked around and more carefully looked at the little kids circulating through the party in their cute little costumes, and to my horror saw many of them happily clutching plastic bags with a prize of brand new dead pets floating around in them.  We quickly replaced the dead fish with live ones, and apologized and tried to not make a huge deal out of it.

As the day progressed I began to avoid looking at the plastic bags too closely because more often than not there was a floating rather than swimming fish in it.  The grass around the park pavilion began to look like a goldfish cemetery, and there was an odor building in the area.  Why the dead fish ended up on the grass didn't make sense until I realized that my son had used the grass when he had 15 kids at a time lined up to play the game and no time to do anything else with them, so the kids thought that is what you did with a dead fish.

Picture if you will the children of all of my friends and family, and friends of friends, walking around with a baggie full of a dead fish as their special gift from me.

And let's not even discuss the park clean up after the party.  Ever again.

Once again Corinne throws a successful party!

You Might Be Mom of a Large Family If:

1. You hold rehearsals with your kids prior to any event that requires them to sit still for more than 5 minutes.
2. You have had more than one person ask if you are running a daycare.
3. You have seen the same movie more than 6 times in one day.
4. *Matched* dishes mean that they are all plates and has little or nothing to do with the look of them.
5. You shop for your pots and pans at the restaurant supply store.
6. It has occurred to you to buy that empty elementary school for your new house.
7. You spent more time pregnant than you did in elementary school.
8. The peanut butter company sends you Mother's day cards.
9. Your midwife has a frequent flyer program.
10. Yogurt cups look suspiciously like kiddie cups to you.
11. Buying potatoes involves 2 men and a forklift.
12. You have to call in a pre-order at McDonald's.
13. It is cheaper to buy a year pass than a single day at the zoo.
14. Your friend breathlessly announces that she has to get off the phone because she  needs to cook dinner for 12 that night, and you calmly say, "yeah, me too."
15. You use autocad software to plan how to fit all the carseats in the van before announcing your pregnancy.
16. It has been 15 years since you went grocery shopping and were not asked if you are having a party.
17. You have attended more births than the labor and delivery nurse.
18. You find yourself wishing for a third refrigerator on occasion.
19. You design your trash area based on ideas from fast food restaurants.
20. The shoe store has offered you a bulk discount.
21. You can gauge your family size by what type of sports team you have given birth to at a given point.
22. You have pre-planned multiple responses to "You know what causes that, right?" and most of them are funny.  
23. You have given birth to more people than you have had cars.
24. You realize that to have ribs for dinner would require more than one pig.
25. You did two weeks laundry at the laundromat and could have just bought a new washer.
26. And last but certainly not least:  You did the math and your family alone could rival the population in most small countries in about 3 generations.  

NOW figure out which 2 of the above are not TRUE!!

More Random Observations

1. Clouds and wind make me want to eat soup.
2. I am more of a sucker for my dogs begging than my children.  So weird!
3. When people buy Starbucks coffee, they often hold the cup so you can tell where they got it.
4. Your only employment option if you have lost a leg is pirate.
5. Quilts and comforters are far more cozy than blankets.
6. A bird taking a bath in a puddle can make me grin no matter how bad a day I am having.
7. No matter how you live your life, someone will disagree.
8. I watch cooking shows and all the chefs use a frying pan to crack pepper.  It seems odd that there are gadgets for every possible thing in the kitchen but you have to use a frying pan to crack pepper?
9. I feel absurdly proud when one of my house plants gets a new leaf.
10. A grape will explode in the microwave.
11. Mexican food is almost all the same thing but folded differently.
12. There are exotic fruits that you would have a hard time convincing me to eat.
13. You can really tell a lot about people by the way they handle tangled Christmas lights.
14. You can also tell a lot about people by the way they act when the plane comes to a stop.
15. Tequila is a really fun word to say.
16. People who want to do things the old fashioned way always go back to Victorian Era and almost no other.
17. I often have to bribe me to do things.
18. The more years that go by with my not needing math skills other than addition subtraction, multiplication and division, the more I feel vindicated.
19. I still think about what I want to be when I grow up.
20. It is far easier to open a banana from the bottom.  It is what monkeys do.

I am a MEAN mom! (I am not raising kids!)

I want my kids to be fully grown up when they leave the house.  I want them to be able to plan and cook full, nutritious meals without getting fleeced.  I want them to know how to plan time, and money to care for themselves and a family.  I want them to know how to remove a stain and repair a lost button.  I want them to be able to get a car insured and maintain the vehicle.  I want them to know how to manage a real life.  I start young and I do it while I can still teach them.  It is a deliberate plan and a conscious decision.

I don't want to raise kids.  I am raising adults.

My newly 7 year old doesn't yet do his own laundry.  My 8 year old is responsible to do all of her own.

I do not wake my 15 year old up for a very early class and he would have consequences for missing it or being late.

My 11 year old son cooked dinner for unexpected guests a month ago or so, because it was his night to cook.  He cooked spaghetti for 20 people and it was no big deal.

I work a lot and my kids ages  9, 11, 12, 14, 15 each take a day per week and cook dinner.  My 17 year old does all the grocery shopping for the family.  I make the menus and shopping lists.  He is responsible to make good financial choices for the list and stay in budget.

In order to get a driver's license at our house you have to pay for driver's education or arrange for it yourself; have 6 months of insurance money saved up, set the appointments yourself for the test, and pay for your own gas.  If you want a car, save up for it and buy one.  You will also need to get it licensed and registered yourself.  You also need to know how to change a flat tire, jump a dead battery, check the oil and other fluids, and change the oil.

Several of my kids as they got jobs were shocked that other kids their ages had to be actually taught how to sweep a floor.

We don't give allowances but we do offer lots of opportunities to earn money.  I pay $5 per hour which is what a minimum wage job takes home after taxes.  I also allow them to bid for work such as the summer yard work etc.

Everyone has a room in the house that they are responsible to keep clean according to age.  (So if you pop by, keep in mind that Ben is responsible for the living room m'kay?)

To go to Community college this year 17 year old Jake was responsible to fill out the FAFSA, follow up on any financial aid available, save his money for additional expenses, register for classes and set his own schedule.  We were available for advice and counsel as needed.  We will pay for 50% of tuition as needed as long as his grades are 3.0 or better.  We do not pay for books, travel, lunches, and other school expenses.  He has a job, and has few household chores other than biweekly grocery shopping and  occasional errands.  His friends still have their mom pack a lunch for them and don't even own an alarm clock.

My 12 year old daughter does most of the haircuts in our house.

My 15 year old son does most of the car repairs and maintenance and is responsible to make sure that the pets are registered and get vet appointments as needed.

1. Don't do anything on a regular basis for them that they can do for themselves
2. Expect capability not incapability.  Give them responsibility and hold them accountable.
3. Teach life skills from a young age (5 and up), cooking, laundry, shopping, cleaning, etc.
4. Yes, they can do their own laundry.
5. Let them pay for things.  When was the last time someone bought you a car as an adult?
6. Let them fail while they are still under your umbrella.
7. Let them make mistakes and help them learn how to deal with the results.
8. Teach them that decisions have consequences both good and bad
9.  Let them feel successes that did not include your help.
10. Don't get stuck on perfection.  They will do it wrong and imperfectly.

Are Entrepreneurs Born That Way? or Car Chargers for Sale!

By now you know I am a huge fan of the Entrepreneurial Spirit and free enterprise.  I love the ideas and the freedoms that they represent.  In my mind it embodies everything that is right about America and free people.

Because it is so important to me, I have tried to study what makes one person an entrepreneur and another just not able to think that way.  I want my kids to be able to think like an entrepreneur.

When we took a family vacation to Disneyland a few years ago we made a day trip into Mexico just for fun.  We had SO MUCH fun there!  We toured all of the street vendors and ate massive Kligkids amounts of amazing street food with bowls of cold radishes and cucumbers on the side.  We bought silver jewelry and quarts of vanilla; candied fruit and garish sombreros.  We drank margaritas and danced to mariachi bands and in general had a blast.

But one of the most surprising best parts of the whole day was when we got into the 2 hour line to get back over the border.  Between the lanes of stopped cars waiting were dozens of vendors some with carts and some carrying their wares walking up and down the road, stopping at the cars and knocking on windows sometimes.  Most just walked up and down.  There were people selling freshly fried churros in paper bags for a dollar.  Let's just say we REALLY enjoyed those churros! We would buy a bag and share it between us all, and then wait for the next churro vendor to come by.  So much fun!  We laughed at the 2 ft plastic turtles and the seriously tacky religious decorations that walked by.

When we went to Tijuana for my surgery we had hoped that Pete would get a chance to go eat some street food and do some souvenir shopping for the kids, but it didn't happen.  We were told that because the shuttle had a medical pass that the lines would be minimal to get back over the border, but we hit a day with extra long lines and got to watch the vendors in action again.

First churro vendor that came by had Pete in heaven eating a fresh churro again and reminiscing.

But what I want to talk about today is something we didn't see on our first visit.  This time there were guy(s?) walking up and down the street with double fistfulls of assorted car chargers for cell phones; every size imaginable.  I didn't find out how much they were, but man was I impressed.

It completely showcases entrepreneurialism at its finest.  If you have a two hour wait sitting in a car with nothing to do, and you have a cell phone it gives you something to do.  UNLESS your battery dies!  I know I didn't have a charger with me and had I not been feeling weak from surgery and completely fascinated by my surroundings, I bet I would have bought one of those chargers.

Honestly, I kinda wanted to buy one just to support them for their great idea!   "See a need; fill a need!" ~Robots~

Our newest press release

Instant Results Drug Test for Synthetic Drugs is Now Available

Lapband update

It has been 11 days now.  I have lost 20.6 pounds!!  My tummy is still tender and I tire easily still, but not too bad.

So here is the thing about losing 20 lbs in 11 days.  IF it were only calories, then I would have had to burn 70,000 of the little buggers!  That is almost 6500 per day. NO WAY I am burning that much laying around recuperating so clearly there is something else going on here.  There is a theory out there that says the surgery resets your metabolism and really that is what I was hoping for and it does seem something like that is going on.

It is very interesting to note some of the things that have changed.  I am very fussy about what coffee I drink normally.  I simply cannot drink old coffee.  Blech!  But now I think I have lost some of my taste for the coffee I normally love.  Hmmmm...

I also do have an occasional craving.  We went to Famous Dave's for Ben's birthday date last night and when the food came out I really, yeah...really, wanted some of those ribs.  Just a taste.  But I knew that if I did I would get very sick and the craving passed in just a minute or two and didn't come back.

I find it sad that 20 pounds barely shows on someone of my size.  For someone of normal weight 20 # would be 3 dress sizes!  For me you have to know just where to look to even be able to see it.  But I am okay with that.  I know that this is a process. I also know that *I* can tell.  There are things about being very overweight that no one talks about.  Like how hard it is to turn over in bed past a certain point.  I can turn over in bed much easier today than a week ago.  :D  I am one of the *apple* shaped overweight people and have an enormous abdomen.  Sigh.  It is softer and not as firm as it was and has shrunk but not by a lot yet.  I can see dents in it now though.

Things I am looking forward to:

Crossing my legs
Being able to get up off the floor.
Fitting in a normal sized bathtub for a real bath.
Being able to get into the bottom shelf of my cupboards and fridge.
Picking up something off the floor without one foot in the air behind me and tons of embarrassment.
Being able to scratch the back of my shoulder.

So if I am ever out and about and you see me do any of those things just feel free to congratulate me!  Well unless it is the bath.  If you are hanging out in my bathroom we will have other things to discuss!

*Our* Dolphins

December of 2010...14 months ago we went on an amazing family reunion vacation to Disneyworld.  But that is another story for another day.  Today I want to tell you the story our *our* dolphins in Florida.

We had been to Disneyworld and were spending a few days with our close friends Mike and Cheryl Kvalvik in Tallahassee.  One day we wanted to go to a beach and it didn't matter much what one.  It was pretty cold that week but we managed to pick a nice day.  Nice enough for the beach anyway.

The two families packed up and we put in the coordinates of the beach they had chosen into the GPS and off we went.  It was a fun drive actually.  We drove through the small little beach towns and saw dozens of handpainted wooden signs advertising boiled peanuts in front of ramshackle buildings that weren't open for business sitting cheek by jowl with quaint and freshly coiffed seafood restaurants with white painted covered decks and gabled roofs.

The GPS merrily took us on our drive and drove us directly, not to the beach we had intended, but to a deserted-for-the-season private beach with about 7 or 8 closed up houses and an empty stretch of sugary sand with thousands of seashells waiting politely for us to pick them up.

We piled out and the kids started doing beachy things.  Was a teensy bit cold for water play but that didn't stop anyone.

About 10 minutes after we got there someone noticed a dolphin just offshore.  In a minute or two we saw a mother and baby swimming in tandem, and then another one.  It was hard to tell how many there were all together but my guess is 8 or 10 of them.  They swam closer and closer to us and one of them (this is hard to describe) seemed especially curious about us and flipped himself sideways up as close to the beach as he could get without getting stranded.  We watched them for quite a while.  They were clearly wanting to investigate us.

At one point the teenage girls all went waist deep wading and one of the dolphins came close enough to touch.  It scared them just a little and none of them actually reached out to touch but they could have.  Pete got some not-so-great video of some of the best parts that I will try to add here too if possible.

As we played in the sand and gathered shells the dolphins kept watch.  They would swim closer and further out and then back again, always staying close.  As it got toward sunset we started to gather our things and head for home.

It was so beautiful and such an amazing treat for us all.  It felt like we had stumbled by accident into a planned private blessing and is a memory that we all treasure.

Very brave Lapband pictures!

 When we first got there.  We barely had time to take the picture!

 This is Esmerelda putting on my wristband.

 Just a hospital room.

Check out the nice touches though...you don't find that at a hospital here.

 Sexy gown eh?

 IV

 Final signatures saying I am not allergic etc.

 This guy was very sweet and we talked several times.  He tried SO hard to pronounce my name right and just couldn't do it.

 Headed in.

  Just out of surgery.

Hmmmm...sleeping something...not beauty for sure, but post surgery you take what you get.

The hospital was very pretty.

Lapband Surgery Detail Q and A

I have had lots of questions so I thought I would answer them here where those who want to hear about it can and those that don't...well...don't!

Q: Why did you decide to do lapband?
A: I am turning 50 on March 1st.  I have been grossly overweight for a long long time and nothing seems to work to get it off for me.  Call it a midlife crisis if you want to, but as I turn 50 it seems more important to me than ever to not spend my life like this.

Q: Why not just diet?
A: I have tried every diet there is.  It does work for a while, but there are metobolic things that happen with being overweight for a long time that make it more and more difficult to lose weight.  I can lose 15-20-30 pounds but the second...and I mean the SECOND I ate more than1000 calories a day, or a gram of sugar or carbs of any sort it came back.  It is nearly impossible to maintain that level of low calorie, or low carb forever.  Also it really isn't even about calories.  If it were then a fat person could eat the same calories and exercise as much as a thin person and lose weight but we all know that is not true.  And yet I also know it is essential to eat small enough amounts to lose.  Period.  It is just impossible for me to do that at this point because of how small it has to be.

There is another reason that I have tried to articulate but not very well yet.  I believe that gluttony is a sin.  Admittedly it is not the same as knocking off the liquor store or manslaughter, but it is still a sin.  I have tried to get rid of sin in my life the best I know how with God's help.  It would be and is hypocritical to choose which sin I choose to accept for myself.  This is one of the ones that God has been dealing with me in.  The Bible says in Matthew 18 that if you have something that causes you to stumble to get rid of it.  I feel like I was not in control of my stomach and my mouth, so the surgery helps me to take control of it.  I do not think that I will go to hell if I am fat, but I do think that along with other sin such as gossip and anger and bitterness etc, that I will do better and have a better integrity before God if I do what He asks me to do and gluttony is one of those things.

Q: Why lapband and not some other types of gastric surgery.
A: It is the one that is proven safest.  I have 7 kids still at home, and a lot of responsibilities.  It is also the one that requires the most self control.  I can do that.  I look at it much like I would look at using a nicotine patch to quit smoking.  You still gotta do it.  I never thought this would be easy, just possible.

Q: Why did you decide to do it in Mexico instead of locally?
A: I have done a ton of research on this and found out several years ago that for a self pay here in Utah it is around $16,000.  In Mexico it is $5000 and that includes hospital, anesthesia, Dr, labs, everything.  Once I found that out, I started looking at the Drs and reputations.  I didn't want to go to some dark alley for major surgery!  The Dr. that I chose is one of the best in the world.  He has a wonderful reputation and a great success rate for his patients.  They also offer financing for the costs which is a nice thing too.

Q: What was it like to do it in Mexico?
A: Well...Pete and I flew to San Diego on Monday the 30th.  We stayed in a nice hotel and ordered pizza which I didn't really eat much of since I had been fighting a migraine all day.

Tuesday morning at 8:30 the shuttle came from the hospital and drove us to Tijuana to the hospital.  The driver was very nice and helpful.  We arrived at the hospital at about 9:30 and was literally met at the door by Esmerelda who was my liaison throughout my stay...part interpreter and part facilitator.  Pete sat in the lobby and I was taken directly back for lab work.  I had blood taken and a chest x ray and the two of them took a total of about 20 minutes.  I never waited more than about 2 minutes for anything and Esmerelda would be there waiting for me when I was done with each step.

I signed all the paperwork, and we did the financial stuff, and then we went upstairs to my room which was nice.  It was just like any other hospital room except the bathroom which was beautiful!  There were nice little touches around.

About 5 minutes later Dr Corvala came in for an exam and consultation.  After he left about 5 more minutes and anesthesiologist came in and did his thing and another exam.  Then about 5 more minutes and I had a third exam from the floor doctors.  I changed into a hospital gown and they put compression stockings on me and then started an IV.  I was wheeled out for surgery at about 12:30 and hardly had to wait at all until they took me back to the OR.

The OR itself was much better than the one I was in here for my shoulder surgery four years ago.  I was treated like a piece of meat there.  Really.  It was actually a bit traumatic for me and very frightening.  Here they were very considerate of me and comforting.  Then I went to sleep of course.

When I woke up I was being extubated and that was no fun.  I was extremely thirsty and my belly hurt a lot.  The first 6 hours after surgery I was 100% sure I had made a gigantic mistake.  The second 6 hours I was pretty sure still but they found a pain med that worked better for me.  The third 6 hours I was starting to think it would be okay.  By 24 hours I was doing better and sure I had made the right decision.  Pete helped me up to the bathroom right away though.

I  had had open gall bladder surgery back in 1982 with an incision that went from my sternum to my navel and it had some adhesions that made the surgery a little more difficult than normal laproscopic is and so a little harder to recover from.

The next day I was tired and my belly hurt.  They wanted me to walk so I tried to do that.  I sat up and walked some and rested some and mostly felt like I got hit by a truck.  They took me down for a barium swallow test to make sure everything was working right (which took a total of about 15 minutes!) and then allowed me to start on clear liquids.  Nothing but ice chips prior to that.  I gotta say that going from nothing to that *nasty* barium is a shock!  That stuff is wicked bitter and I was afraid it wouldn't stay down.  The broth and sugar free jello they brought for dinner was lovely.

One little problem we had was that Pete had a really hard time on Tuesday getting any food.  There was a language problem and no real cafeteria like we have here. He was supposed to get companion meals, but I was so out of it after surgery I didn't think to help him with that, so he fasted all day Tuesday except water and a cup of coffee he managed to get.  Wednesday he talked to Esmerelda for help getting food.  Whew.  There was a couch that he was able to sleep on to be near me, which made things so nice for me to have him there.  It was comforting.

By Wednesday night I was getting nervous about the travel.  I felt awful and could not see how we were going to manage the process of getting home.  Two flights, security, baggage, etc seemed so overwhelming.  I was hurting a lot still.  I had thought I would have felt better and didn't take the previous surgery into consideration.

Thursday morning the Drs started expressing concerns about me leaving too.  I did feel some better that morning, but still...not great.  Dr. Corvala kind of strongly recommended that I stay an extra night.  But we had flights already paid for, and arrangements made for everything.  We talked about it and decided that as long as it was just how I felt and not a complication waiting to happen, that we would go. All my tests were perfect and it was not a matter of my health if I left so we did.  I really appreciated that I didn't really have to consider money as a possible reason for them to want me to stay.  There would have been no additional charge for an extra day.  It helped make the decision less muddy for us.  I didn't leave AMA but rather with their consultation and blessing.

The trip home was hard, but we had wheelchairs at the airports and except for SLC there was someone to help push me so Pete didn't have to.  It was still very hard on both of us.  My friend Susan picked us up and took me home to my own comfortable bed.

I am on a clear liquid diet for the next week and then I can add thicker liquids like cream soups for another week and then some soft foods such as puddings or mashed potatoes.  My stomach holds a little less than 1/4 cup of food and I will not be able to eat much fiber or meat for long time if ever because it won't digest.  I do wonder about the lack of fiber and the rest of my digestive system to be honest.  Maybe I can take a supplement?

I am very sore, and last night when I went to sleep I got stuck on my left side and couldn't turn over or get up out of bed.  LOL

I have lost 6 pounds so far.  :D

Puppies

Okay I have a puppy here for one day.  Her name is Maggie and she is a birthday gift for my Dad.  She has all the right combinations of soft puppy fur, puppy breath, cute little eyes, and sweet nature.

Not hard to guess I will have a pang or two giving her to her new home tomorrow is it?

When I was about 6 years old *my* dog Susie had a litter of puppies.  One died shortly after birth and was the only identical twin puppy I ever saw, but she had a cleft palate and didn't make it.  Her twin died a few days later I assume from a birth defect as well.

My sister Laura and I had the basket of puppies in our room and I loved, really loved, those little pups.  I spent hours and hours holding and cuddling them, and I would never embarrass Laura by telling you that we tried to breastfeed them, but suffice it to say my mom was nursing my little brother at about that time.  Just sayin'.  I would put them all in my bed with me and try to sleep with all of them at once.  Warm little puppy bodies seemed like a perfect sleep aid to me.

I have a pretty strong soft spot for puppies.  I mean who doesn't.  But...it brings back all those sweet childhood memories (well maybe not the puppy teeth+trying to breastfeed thing, but otherwise...) of me and my sister and my childhood dog Susie.

Meet Maggie!

       

Attacked for Motives We Never Employed.

Someone accuses you of lying.  You didn't.  You are accused of stealing.  But you didn't.  A friend accuses you of gossip or betraying a confidence.  You wouldn't.

More insidious are the times where there is no accusation.  But the unspoken assumption.  Impossible to confront and refute.  It so frustrating.  We are judged by standards that simply don't apply.  Misunderstood based on a reality that is not ours.  Attacked for motives we never employed.  A truism I have understood for a long time but is difficult to explain for some reason.  I suspect because people don't want to see this tendency in themselves and maybe also because they honestly don't see the aberration in the assumptions.

People impart to your motives the very same standards that they set for themselves.  If you have a friend who is prone to lying; they will assume you lie.  If you interact with someone who gossips and seems unaware of the ugliness of it, they will take it for granted that you do too.  Whatever standard they have set for themselves as normal, they believe is normality.  A family that presumes that anger is the typical reaction to perceived injustice will impart that  to your motives by default.

They expect you to behave, feel and respond in the way that they believe is normal.  Even if it is not.

As part of my New Years resolutions this year I decided to work on thickening my skin without becoming calloused.  Because of this particular tendency in some people I find it important to find ways to deal with the increasing assumptions and accusations that I have to manage.   This one is a tough one to deal with.  The Bible says that as far as it is up to us we should live at peace with everyone. (Rom 12:18)

I think that the only solution is to learn how to not allow those types of assumptions and accusations *in*.  Not allow them into our hearts to hurt us which is easier said than done.  Sometimes understanding the complexity of why people believe what they do about you helps to shake it off though.

And maybe one day you can help them understand the mistake.

Martin Luther King, prejudice, sexism

Martin Luther King.  Now there is a man I truly and deeply admire.  That man had a dream and even though he was killed far too young, his dream carried on posthumously.  We took up his torch and carried it for him and his dream is little by little being fulfilled.  We have come so far since he spoke those famous words.

I was not raised in a very prejudiced part of the country and yet even I was raised with ideas that seem shocking and horrifying to me today.  The little poems and ditties, songs and assumptions.  It completely shocks me when I remember how casually I used them.  So shocking that I can't even tell you what they were!  I can tell you that as a child I remember, vividly remember, feeling so lucky, so blessed to be born white and Mormon; too bad I was a girl.  I was born in 1962 and literally grew up with and alongside the Civil Rights Movement.

I remember listening to conversations among the adults about how they would never go to a woman doctor or work for a woman boss.  I remember hearing about how a black family would ruin our neighborhood, and that we should always marry our own kind.  I listened to adults around me talking about what bad drivers women were and how comical it was to assume they could drive as well as a man.  I heard talk about how black people had different bodies and that was why they could dance better or play sports better and that it was a compensation for the lesser brain.  I watched Cinderella as a little girl and knew I was not good enough to be a princess because I had big feet and can't sing a note;  I was much more like the ugly stepsisters.  I remember the riots and the conversations about why it was so bad to integrate the schools.

I remember.

I am so proud of the men and women who stood up and fought against these pervasive attitudes.  I am blessed to live today in a world where it is greatly improved.  But it is not gone.  Not by any stretch.  My son took a picture in Columbia, North Carolina a few months ago of the confederate flag flying over the state capitol building.  What sort of a message does that send?  Wow.  Just wow.  How horrifying that in 2012 we live in a country that would allow such blatant symbols of prejudice and hate.

I do not understand what it means to be the target of that kind of prejudice that, especially black, people in the south experience.  But I get little tastes of it now and then as a female CEO.  There are not many of us.  It is a tough job and I get criticisms that my male counterparts would not.  Yes.  Even today in 2012 women are discriminated against.  I do think that there are fewer positions where that happens, but a CEO is one of them. and I think it makes me a better person; a better human being.  Certainly a better white person.  Certainly a better person than I might have been.

I am glad that men like Dr. King opened my eyes.  I am grateful that he helped me to see the ugliness that I had accepted as normal.  I am so indebted to those that paid a price so that others could grow past it.

I believe that Martin Luther King helped to pave the way for me too.  And I am grateful to him.

Another confession...Do I need to duck?

I don't like football.  I have never liked football.  I don't understand the appeal of it and I doubt I ever will.  I have tried to watch it and have enjoyed a few five minute segments along with most of the Superbowl commercials, most not all.

Here is the problem.  I could tell you where most of the teams are located.  I can name several football players.  I can tell you what stadium several teams play in and I can even identify some team colors and mascots.  Sigh.  How does that happen?

I admit that I am enjoying Tim Teebow this year.  What a refreshing change to see a young man who has his own opinions and stands up for them, even though they are radically different from the norm.  Not at all sure that counts as enjoying football per se, but I do find myself rooting for the Broncos for having such good taste in recruiting,  well that and I lived in Denver for a couple of years so...

I think the football frenzy has calmed some from what it was 15-20 years ago and for that I am grateful.  I am also grateful that someone thought to sell tomatoes on the vine in the grocery store so they taste better.  Those other tomatoes are just nasty tasting and certainly not worth the exorbitant prices they charge.  But I digress.

Where was I?  Oh yeah...football.  No wonder I lost my train of thought.

I do think that God chose the right husband for me.  In over 20 years, he has never once, no never, worried about missing a game or even really cared.

Seeing the World in Black and White

A few minutes ago I was sitting in my family room watching a movie when two wet giggling little girls came and stood in front of me.  One daughter age 8 and one granddaughter age 6 had been doing the dinner dishes when it seems that a water fight broke out.  Prior to that they had been in there developing secret handshakes, singing together and giggles were all over the place.

I pictured my kitchen dripping, and the dishes not done, and the mess that was sure to be there and...chose to laugh with them.  I could have gotten mad at them.  I could have punished them for disobeying.  I could have scolded them for being silly instead of getting the dishes done, and honestly there was a time when my oldest kids were very young that I thought being consistent and keeping firm rules was more important to their future than anything else.  I wanted to be a good mom.

I still do want to be a good mom.  I was a good mom back then, but I think we all missed out on a lot of fun times that we could have had by me learning when to flex and when to not.  It is a trick and one that I have learned to do better.

Would I have chosen to laugh if the same girls had been naughty and disobedient all day long?  Probably not.  But they were cheerfully doing the task I had assigned, when some Fun showed up.  What were they going to do?

I know a lot of moms who miss it; who are so focused on the rules that they forget that the joy in our lives resides in the playtime and that we need to be silly, laugh and play.  This is where we gain the kids' trust and their hearts.  Rules are important.  They are.  So is grace, joy and love.  Schedules are important.  They are.  So is the ability to flex your time for a friend in need.  A clean house is important.  It is.  So is cuddle time, rest, and sometimes...

A water fight in the kitchen.

Cassie and the Canary

 

So I have a story to tell you today.  We have a cat.  Her full name is Cassie Tuna (pronounced in true 3 year old little girl fashion as Cathy Tuna) but we just call her Cassie.  She is a sweet, petite little thing weighing in at about 7-8 pounds and is a striped tabby with beautiful gold rings around her eyes.

We didn't choose to have a cat.  After the cat I had for 11 years (before I had Pete!) died, we decided that his allergies made having a cat not really worth it for him.  So we didn't get another one.  Oh we had offers for kittens over the years, but always had to say no, no matter how cute they were.  One winter we had a stray cat have her kittens in our garage, and we let them stay.  They never let us get near them, but at least they were warm.  Once in a while we would find evidence that one of them had gotten somehow from the garage into the house, but never near us.  This is relevant because we never could figure out how those cats got from the garage into the house.

One night about 5 years ago in the middle of the night Amanda and Rachael came panicking into our room!  "Dad!  Someone is playing the piano and no one is there!"  Pete got up and investigated and found nothing and no one.  Ernie, our ever-vigilant watchdog, had not notified us of anything and we all decided maybe they had dreamed something.

The next night...the same thing!

The next night after that Rachael woke up screaming!  Pete ran downstairs and he found...laughing girls and a cat.  Apparently little half-grown Cassie had used whatever entry the other cats had found (was she maybe related to them from a couple years before?) and after a couple of forays into the house the previous two nights tiptoeing across the piano keys, she had decided to have a little cuddle with Rachael in her nice warm bed while she slept.

We tossed her out the door assuming she belonged to someone since she was clearly not feral.  She was back the following night.  Again.  And again she came back.  It became clear that we had two, and only two choices.  Either take her to the shelter, or keep her.  Rachael was not having allergy problems and neither was Pete so...Cassie was named and stayed.

One day Jake and David found her first *gift*.  If you have ever had a cat you know that they take providing for their family very seriously.  She had brought mouse to them and literally tossed it, live, to them while they were in their room.  I explained to them that this was her being affectionate and since we have always struggled with a mouse problem in this house it was a great thing that she was dealing with them!  I told them how a cat would leave gifts for her family and relayed some anecdotes of gifts I have received over the years.

Some months before Jake, Rachael and David had spent a whole summer earning money for a gift for me.  A beautiful yellow singing canary.  He lived in a cage in our family room on a shelf.  The very next day after telling Jake and David about her gift of the mouse, Jake came upstairs.  On his face was a look of horror and dismay, and a little grief.  In his hand my completely intact and bloodless, yet no less dead, beautiful pet canary.  Cassie had given Jake my bird as a gift in his shoe.

It was hard to be too mad at her.

And it Plays a Food on TV.

I bought fruit loops for breakfast this morning.  Not that I think it is food, but my grandkids are over and it is a treat and it plays a food on TV.

No one can accuse me of being a health nut.  But we do try to limit sugar, and eat food that is...well...food.  This was brought home to me last night in a hysterical way when I saw a commercial featuring a family of four (because all real families have either two or three children on TV.  Maybe we need more parents at my house?) sitting at a table laughing and conversing with one another, white cloth napkins and water goblets visible, and shallow soup bowls filled with Chef Boyardee Ravioli.  The commercial was bent on showing how this Italian chef had revolutionized Cincinnati, or somewhere, in the 30s or 40's by his willingness to bottle his tasty old Italian recipes for his restaurant customers and today you can feed your family these same foods.  Yep.  Chef Boyardee Ravioli IS that Old World Italian dish!  Who would have guessed?   You too can feed your family this authentic, wholesome food for dinner tonight, and only $1.59 for the family sized can!

Do you know what this MEANS?  It means that there is room on the family table for Spaghettios!