What Does it Mean to Trust God?

I wish I had a nickel for every sermon I have heard preached about trusting God. The theme is always the same: Trust God. Seems so simple doesn't it? Seems so obvious, and uncomplicated, and straight-forward.  
                                       

But what exactly does this verse mean?

                                   

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

And that is just one of literally hundreds of verses in the Bible that talk about trusting God.

I think it means to trust God and not our own understanding. BUT HOW? How do we do that? In a very practical sense, I can trust God, but when it comes time for dinner, I still have to cook it. I still have to walk out to the car to drive to church. I still have to make my bed if I want a made bed. I can trust God all day long, but at some point we have to do the stuff, not just pray about the stuff right? So what does it mean to trust God? How does He speak to us and how do we know when He is speaking to us?

I was talking to my daughter a few days ago, and we were talking about being married. What if you pray about something and ask for God's wisdom and sincerely want to know, but you *hear* different things? It is a real issue. A real thing that does happen.

In most cases you can go to the Bible and see what God already said about it. For example it is clear that God says we should not lie, so if your answer would involve deception...then God didn't say it. The Bible teaches us to be generous so if the answer would be to be selfish, then God didn't say it. The Bible teaches us that no one will know the day of Jesus' second coming, so when someone says they know the date, it is easy to dismiss. God didn't say that.

Go to the Bible and see what God already said on the subject and see if what you are *hearing* is lining up with The Word. Then...when you know what He said, TRUST IT!  He cannot lie. If what God is telling you to do is consistent with what the Bible teaches, then you cannot make a mistake by trusting that as truth.

Is God telling you to go somewhere to preach the Gospel?  
Matt 28:19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

Is God telling you to give above what you think your ability to give is?
Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Is God telling you to step out of the boat and do something that makes no sense at all? 
Matthew1 4: 9  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 
Yep, God does that too. 

Is God asking you to do something uncomfortable and something that goes against what you have always thought?  See above! Peter actually asked Jesus to ask him out of the boat. Maybe your prayers of wanting to change the world, or your corner of it involve trusting God to that degree even when it does not make sense superficially. 

Ask trusted advisors, of course making sure they know the Bible themselves, but first things first, go to the Bible, see what God says, and then trust His Word. We need to care less about what people think about our *crazy ideas*, and more about what God already said.
                                 

Do You Know What You Know?

I vividly remember being about 14 and thinking I was ready.  Yup. I had acquired the knowledge necessary to be an adult. Yeah, well maybe I hadn't driven a car yet, but how hard could it be? I knew the way to the store, and was a fount of information on interpersonal relationships, and what made up a good parent, or rather what not to do for sure! That was enough for me.

Yeah, I knew it all. I had been taught all the rules for living. And I had learned what worked and didn't. I knew how all families worked because I had been part of one.  I knew what moms did because I had one. I knew what Dads did too! I understood all of society in fact!

I know.  We all go through it. Sometimes people grow out of it and sometimes they don't completely ever grow out of it. But I think most people carry a bit of it with us for most of our lives. It shows up in insidious places and ideas. We learn early some rules for living and cement them firmly into our brains as if ideas and thinking is static and must be captured like a photograph, not flow like a river.

But when do we start to really question what we think we already know? When do we take the information and really examine it and find out what is absolute fact, what is opinion, what is a style or preference, and what is just wrong?

I read a story about a woman who was cooking a pot roast and before she put it in the pan she cut the end off of it. Her daughter who was watching to learn asked why she did that, and her answer was "Well my mom always did" and it got her thinking about why, so she called her mom, who said "well I don't know, MY mom always did" so they got Grandma on the phone and asked the question of why she cut the end off the pot roast.  Grandma's reply was "Well, my pan was too short, so I cut the end off of it." 

So very many things in our lives are like that. We are creatures of habit, and we don't much like change, so rather than change, we continue to do the things the way they have always been done, never questioning why or whether they should be done that way. It is *safer* to not question things. You know the old adage, if it isn't broken, don't fix it. We are conditioned to not look too very closely at what we know, but to follow the rules as they are laid out for us. After all they work, and who wants to take a risk after all. But, what if?

What if what we are so sure we know, like the pot roast just doesn't make sense? It was a good plan for Grandma to cut the end of the roast but it just didn't apply to everyone. What if there are many good ways to do things and come up with different but good results?

Every day we are bombarded with advertisement disguised as news stories, or articles we read that teach us what truth is. We are constantly informed about how we should live, eat, what to wear, how to think, spend our money, time, resources, how to parent, believe, drive, what to watch, how to smell, you know...the CORRECT way to live our lives. I know people who can't fathom never shopping at the mall, or adhering to the most recent trends in child rearing or who feel left out if they have a 3 year old car or not the latest iPhone. This goes deeper than consumerism. This is about never questioning what is right, and what we absolutely know to be true.

In the old Testament there is frequent mention of tearing down the high places. Sure it was a literal thing but there is a figurative meaning here too. Tearing down high places in our lives and thoughts, and allowing ourselves to examine what we think and believe is so important. The civil rights movement and women's movement are such good examples of this. People just knew that this is how things should be, and never questioned it and when someone came along who did, and then several someone's it was met with an outcry of rage. NO! THIS is how things are SUPPOSED to be!

Some even claimed that the Bible taught-even mandated- the discrimination. It was an attitudinal barrier to change and I think we have our minds riddled with them.

Do we allow ourselves to question the high places?  Or do we just get defensive when someone suggests something that causes us to re examine what we believe? Maybe we examine it and find out we were holding an incorrect belief, and maybe, just maybe we were wrong. A lifetime of wrong, pride, even embarrassment, shouldn't cause us to be unwilling to change. Maybe we were right, but how can you ever be sure unless you check?

I find them in myself all the time. I find myself thinking certain ways, and when I question them, sometimes I find that it was me just cutting the end off of a roast.

10 Tips for How to Help a Grieving Friend 101

My dear friend and pastor died very suddenly this week, and my heart feels torn into bits.  We belong to a moderately sized church but his influence and reach was very broad, and among our circle of friends we try to help when there is death and grief.  So many people have asked me this week what to do and I try to help.  Earlier I found a little short list of things, but it just seemed inadequate to me.

So...here is my list.  I hope it helps.

1. Give them space, but not too much. Let them direct it and just be available. Unless you are a very close friend don't expect much contact for a while. I describe it like being naked. In deep grief it is much like being naked and you just don't do that in front of just anyone.

2. Help with the mundane of life. It is hard to think at first and simple things get missed very easily. Water the plants. Take the dog for grooming. Shovel snow. Buy groceries. But please remember that this is not a time for socializing. The greatest gift is to serve without them even knowing you did it if possible.

3. Words are so hard. Please don't say you know how they feel unless you do. But even then everyone has a different experience. Say things like: I am sorry. I am praying for you. I love you. It will get easier in time. Or even just say, I don't know what to say but I am here for you and praying for you.

4. Time. It takes a long long long time. The world has tipped over and is seen in shades of grey. It requires a lot of time to find out how to walk in it again and how to see color again. Don't expect things to be back to normal soon, and normal will never be what it was before.

5. It is like ocean waves. They come and knock the feet out from under you, and then recede, and at first they come so quickly and so powerfully. In between they can feel a bit of relief, and may want to laugh a bit or feel normal for a moment, but then it comes back. Be very aware of the shifts and allow for them, take your cue from them, and follow their lead.

6. Everyone is different.  Some people like to talk. Some like to hug. Some cry easily and some are embarrassed by crying. Some eat and some lose their appetite completely. Watch and be sensitive. Don't hug someone who doesn't want to and sit quietly with someone who is not a talker.

7. Grief is some of the hardest work there is. Your friend is exhausted all the time. Nothing sounds fun because there is no left over energy. Keep asking anyway, but with no pressure.

8. There are things to never say: It is for the best. I know how you feel. (unless you really do) You need to get over it, and move on. 

9. Remember that there are concentric circles of grieving, starting with those closest and moving outward and if you are close enough to want to help you are probably grieving at some level too.  Take care of yourself also.

10. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who died, but allow your friend to have times where they talk about other things too.

There.  A short list of what I hope will help a bit.

Guilt, Condemnation and Godly Sorrow. Which is Which?

It is something we just don't talk about in polite company.  Something to hide and put deep in the back of the closet.  We certainly don't preach about it from the pulpits or teach our kids about, because, well...it just doesn't happen!  

                                

I am not talking about the taboo, tabloid, and titillating stuff here.  I am talking about a solid, honest to goodness, Bible believing Christian who finds themselves in the middle of a serious sin.  Maybe it is ongoing, and maybe it is a one time thing, or maybe it was a slow creep of incremental events.

Maybe you had an affair.  Maybe you had a secret craving for the bottle that became alcoholism. Maybe you stole some money. Maybe you betrayed a friend. Maybe worse. Maybe much worse.  Maybe you just lied and then chose to sweep it away to the recesses of your mind. What if all it is is a tendency to gossip or using foul language?

Then there is that day.  That horrible moment when God shows you the reality of what you have done.  You are standing in line, or wake up from a dream. Maybe you are at work or at church and all of a sudden it hits you, as if you had no idea it was even going on, and as a brand new revelation, how utterly sinful this is and how utterly you have failed. Either way, one day you wake up and realize, you have become *that* person. That person you hated, judged so harshly, and were so certain you would never be.  That person.

What now? Oh dear Lord God Almighty, what now? Oh the pain of that failure!                            


There are two kinds of pain from sin. The first one is pain that leads to repentance. 

2 Cor 7:9 yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern,what readiness to see justice done. 
What happens then? What happens after we repent and turn away from the sin? God says that He remembers our sin no more. It is completely wiped clean as if it never happened. But that does not remove the consequences of our actions here on earth. You can't undo an affair, or take back the betrayal, or unsteal the money.  Restitution is an important part of repentance but will never take the place of the forgiveness and free gift of grace Jesus.

The second kind of pain is the pain we inflict on ourselves. The need to punish ourselves. Guilt carried as a flag of sorrow and self recrimination. Satan loves nothing more than to convince you that you are not worthy now of the love of God, and never were.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
He is more than happy to use the truth to lie to you even! 
We sometimes feel like the crime is so great and the pain we have caused so enormous that we must be punished, and nothing less than that will do.  

2 Cor 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 
This self sabotaging behavior is that death. We search out opportunities to inflict pain on ourselves. Some consequences are a result of the sin itself. An affair carries with it the possible loss of the marriage or relationship. It might carry the possibility of an STD or unintended pregnancy. Those consequences are different than those we inflict on ourselves by having such a guilty conscience that we pick a fight with our spouse in order to assuage the guilt for example, or other types of self sabotaging behavior. We sabotage relationships, or jobs. We create situations to cause sickness or become anti social and etc. All of the feelings of deep remorse can set us up for consequences that would not have happened without our unwitting help. 
How do you know the difference?

A Godly sorrow leads to repentance. It does not remove consequences, but it does lead you to your knees and to the cross. It leads to making it right the best you can, and then accepting forgiveness from God.   

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 

Isaiah 43:25 “I, I am the one who blots out your transgression for my own sake, and I‘ll remember your sins no more.
Hebrews 8:12 For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

A Godly sorrow always leads to healing, hope and a new beginning. If you are carrying guilt and shame for a sin you have been forgiven for, it is time to let it go. You have freedom and the grace of Jesus Christ.  It leads to the joy of knowing that you are forgiven and clean.

Hebrews 10: 19 Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 
Be free of the sin that bound you! Let it go! Allow the cleansing of the Lord to give you peace and the joy that comes from the sure knowledge that you are fully forgiven.  There is no greater joy than that.